D&B Brief

Building Trust: The Key to Client Relations

Miriam Bamberger, CPCC, and Heather Bradley, CPCC, are the co-founders of The Flourishing Company, which helps emerging professionals sharpen their leadership skills to generate immediate and lasting changes in their ability to successfully manage complex work relationships. For additional information, visit: www.TheFlourishingCompany.com.

 

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Nearly 59 percent of corporations have terminated or considered terminating relationships with outside counsel, according to the Association of Corporate Counsel (ACC).¹ This is both good news and bad news. The good news is that business that was once inextricably tied to one firm may soon be up for grabs. The bad news is one of the firms about to be fired could be yours. No relationship is sacrosanct.

The ACC study also reported the number one reason for organizations' dissatisfaction with their firms is "lack of responsiveness." Not fees, not quality of work, but lack of responsiveness. This finding points to a breakdown in the communication between client and provider. The place to look is not in the technical work you are doing for your clients but rather the relationships you are building and maintaining with them.

Trust Me!

Trust is the glue that creates rapport and helps build solid business relationships. In The Courageous Follower, Ira Chaleff writes, "Trust is a subtle state between two people formed from an assessment of each other's internal motives and external actions-if either are questionable trust does not gel. The gelling agents of trust are our word and the judgment we display in our actions."

One way in which we display our word and judgment is through routine interactions. The words we use, the level of formality we prefer, and the way we approach business are markers of our judgment.

It is tempting to think that everyone else is just like we are, particularly when dealing with lawyers who have similar education and professional experiences. In fact, we are all very different. Each of us has a unique set of work styles and communication preferences; they are our default settings. The more a person's styles and preferences are similar to ours, the easier it is to establish rapport.

For example, when one person speaks Chinese and another Spanish, neither is better or worse, but the language difference is a "rapport barrier" that must be overcome. By contrast, when both people speak the same language, the relationship can move ahead more quickly.

Gelling on the Reality Channel

Keeping the channels of communication open requires truly listening to our client. While popular in the 1980s, the concept of active listening (parroting back the client's response) has become passé. Rather, true listening means stopping the things that prevent listening, like crafting your response, while listening. It means committing to being open rather than being "right."

The more we can expand our definition of listening to incorporate the client's styles and preferences into our interactions with them, the more trust gels. Conversely, when we fail to adjust our styles when working with others, we risk eroding the trust we have worked so hard to build. Two places to look are information channels and levels of reality.

Information channels

People absorb and process information in different "channels." Four common channels are:

• Visual-seeing
• Auditory-hearing, including word choice, tone, tempo, and emotion
• Kinesthetic-moving, such as tapping feet or playing with pens
• Proprioceptive-feeling sensations, like the feeling of getting punched in the stomach.

In a visual channel, we may sketch pictures to make a point; in the proprioceptive channel, we may rely more on what feels right.

While most of us operate in each channel at different times, each of us prefers specific channels over others. We unconsciously send and most effectively receive messages in our preferred channel(s).

When our preferred channel is the same as the other person's, ta da! We are speaking the same "language," and we have one less barrier to building trust. However, when we try to send or receive information on a different channel, the effort can fall flat. "Why can't you hear what I am saying?" we cry, as the client responds, "I just don't see what you mean." People who in effect are saying the same thing feel miles apart.

Resist the urge to interpret the signals we observe. "Jane must be impatient with me, because she is tapping her foot," we think. More often than not, our interpretation is wrong and, armed with the incorrect interpretation, we erect a new rapport barrier. Rather, simply notice your client's preferred channel and adjust your communication accordingly. It will help your client feel heard, improving the effectiveness of your overall communication efforts.

Levels of reality

Another common style difference is our preferred operating level, or level of "reality." As we process information and create plans, we move back and forth between the different levels and gather information from each level.

• Everyday reality
  This is the easiest level to identify and, indeed, is where most business takes place. We find deadlines, to-do lists, and billable hours in this everyday level.
• Vision reality
  At this level, tasks are not completed, but strategic plans are created and bold visions are born. Without visions, there is nothing to "do" in everyday reality.
• Fundamental reality
  Conversations at this level focus on the essence of an organization's mission and culture. The emphasis here is on individual and organizational values.

As with information channels, no level is inherently good or bad; in fact, we all operate at all three levels at one time or another. Too much vision and fundamental reality, and nothing gets done. Too much everyday reality, and we forget what is important and what we wanted to accomplish in the first place. From a business development perspective, we can establish trust and rapport with our clients by communicating on their preferred level of reality.

Consider this example: Jim, the general counsel, has called a meeting to talk about a new case. You know that Jim's company is in a major cost-cutting mode, and all expenses are carefully scrutinized. Assuming that this aspect of everyday reality is foremost in Jim's mind, you begin to build your case on why your rates are fair and appropriate.

However, right before your meeting, Jim had been reviewing data on the company's competitors. A rival company had been indicted for illegal practices. Jim is beside himself: The competitor's actions are tarnishing the entire industry! You've never seen Jim like this, spewing invective about right and wrong. While cost control is still just as important, Jim is operating from his fundamental reality-right and wrong. Speaking to him about expenses would be like speaking in a foreign language, and would break the rapport he expects with you.

Business Development Resources
Attracting Perfect Customers	By Stacy Hall and Jan Brogniez
Get Clients Now	By CJ Hayden
How to Become a Rainmaker	By Jeffrey J. Fox
Make Your Contacts Count	By Anne Baber and Lynne Waymon
What Your Clients Won't Tell You and Your Managers Don't Know	By John Gamble

So you are ready to strengthen communications, and ultimately your relationship, with your clients! The Flourishing Process can help you identify these subtle differences and use them to strengthen client relationships.

The Flourishing Process

 
Clarity: What are my preferences?

The first step in using these preferences to build trust is identifying your own.

Pick one aspect on which to focus, either information channels or levels of reality, and reflect on conversations you have had recently. What words did you use? What words did others use? Which set of words led to the most productive conversations?

If you are focusing on information channels, ask yourself: Did the conversation include visual words, like "I see what you mean" or "look at that"? Or were they auditory words, like "that rings a bell" or "it just doesn't resonate"? Perhaps the conversation contained primarily kinesthetic words, like "We'll draw up the papers" or "Let's get moving."

If your focus is levels of reality, think about the core of the conversation. What were you really talking about? Day-to-day reality? Or something else?

• The information channel I prefer is…
• The level of reality I usually operate from is…

Choice: Who and How?

The next step is choosing to use this new awareness. With whom will you try this? You do not need to start with your most high-profile client. Start safely, perhaps over lunch with a colleague.

How will you approach it? Your conversation partner's preferences may be the same as yours, but they may also be different. You may need to adapt in order for the conversation to gel. For example, you may need to change your approach from "being right" to appreciating different styles.

• I will practice with…
• I will approach this…

Action: What will you do?

Now what? You have begun to understand your own preferences, and you have committed to exploring someone else's. Now it is time to:

1. Stop talking.
   The next two steps are impossible if you are talking.
2. Listen to the words the other person uses.
   How would you characterize them?
3. Listen for the true nature of the conversation.
   Is it really about everyday reality or something deeper?
4. Identify their preferred level of reality or channel.
   Using what you heard in the previous two steps, what is your best guess of your conversation partner's preferences?
5. Respond in kind.
   Test out your best guess by using words similar to your conversation partner's. They may be very different from the words you instinctively prefer.
6. Watch what happens.
   "Trust," Chaleff writes, "is a quality of relationship that can quickly return to its fluid, uncertain state in response to events and perceptions. Often we sense the change in trust before anything specific has been said or done…" Understanding the understated gelling agents that promote trust will help you influence events and perceptions in your favor.

NOTE

1. Examining Trends, 2004 CLO Survey, Altman Weil and ACC (Formerly ACCA).

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From the July/August 2005 issue of  Diversity & The Bar^®